Why Dogs Are Better Than Cats: The Case for Dogs

You're really annoying me....

Have you ever tried asking your cat to do something like sit, stay, or come, only to be met with a death stare? Of course you have, because we are all dog people. Cat people just haven't realized it yet. To cats, these requests are but minor auditory annoyances that interrupt their precious slumber, usually by a random heat source that boggles your mind as to why they haven't spontaneously combusted yet. Cats just don't care about your pithy requests, to which they have a tendency to stare into your soul with ambivalent eyes that simply say, If you don't stop irritating the hell out of me right now, I'm going to meander around your house, throwing up everywhere and meowing like I'm in pain. They then proceed to slowly turn back their head as if they are giving you the finger through ESP. A dog on the other hand is more than happy to appease your requests, with the hope of a treat in return. But if they don't get a treat, it's okay. They are more than happy to perform your tasks with valor. Who wouldn't want an animal this happy to please? 


On top of the inability to communicate even basic commands, you can't walk your cat. Doing so would be like attempting suicide and is a guaranteed trip to the hospital. You also can't train your cat, at least not any I've known. I imagine training a cat would be like playing with lawn darts, somebodies' going to lose an eye. Cats don't even like being touched half the time, as if even your presence is annoying.


Don't put up with this any longer, get a dog! A real pet, who will greet you at the door, warm your feet in bed and brighten up your day. Cats are just depressing. They are like that emo kid in high school, eating and sleeping all the time. Cats are not fun. I've had more fun with a goldfish!